How is it possible for someone to cheat? The idea of cheating on someone is boggling my mind right now. How does that even happen? I know that when I am in love with someone, they are the only one I can even imagine being in love with and I'm in a different mindset than when I am single. I don't think love at first sight is possible for someone who can intellectually appreciate love, and appreciate the fact that it develops over time and getting to know the person. So yeah, I can be physiy attracted to someone else, but I am actually in love with my mate and that physical attraction just doesn't mean anything to me compared to when I'm single. Also, the last thing in the world I want to do is hurt the one I'm with. It hurts me a great deal to see them in pain. So I don't even understand how it's possible for someone to do that. Is there anyone here who's ever cheated on someone? If so, I've got to you out. I honestly don't think you have the depth of intellectual curiosity to actually love someone deeply, and this is going to sound harsh, but I think your concept of love is less developed than others. And I'm starting to think that it's not something you learn over time as you mature - I think you either have that innate ability or you don't. Kind of like how some people are good at math, have always been good at math, and how others are not and have never been. This probably sounds like someone who's bitter about being cheated on, but I'm just not in that place right now. This was just started as a philosophical conversation between friends and I'm curious what RoFo thought about it.

Lol. Swedish massage school awaits you.

agreed

i dont get it

it's very simple, in my opinion by the time a person cheats, they no longer love their mate, they just haven't summoned the courage to admit it, possibly even to themselves.

^I agree with this

that's how it was for me my spouse abused me for years, I did finally cheat. Not proud of it but I had checked out of the marriage long before I cheated. I just still physiy lived in the same house.

I haven't cheated. But I can see how that can happen. The part where you don't admit to yourself that it's over. It's not healthy but people make mistakes.

agreed....we've been divorced for a few years now. I never looked back, emotionally. Never missed the marriage for one minute.

I'm sorry that you were in that for so long. But glad you're in a better place now. :)

thank you, I've admitted my mistakes and I have a happy life now.

People make mistakes? I'm sorry, but it makes no sense to me whatsoever that someone can "accidentally" cheat on someone as if it were some sort of mistake. It's ridiculous on the face of it and it bugs me that so many tend to trot out this cop out on the subject of cheating. If it's even possible for someone to accidentally cheat, then their notion of love is, to repeat myself, less developed.

That terminology bugs me "made a mistake" what is that? It's not a mistake, it's a decision you made. You don't make mistakes like that. A mistake is like knocking over something or taking the wrong bus. Cheating on someone is a hard core heavy decision wrapped in what I believe is a stunted ability to truly care about and love people. Sorry to sound so judgmental, but this is the nut of the thing I'm trying to understand - how this is even possible for someone to do. I guess I would find it analogous to not paying your bills on time or taking your children to school. You don't ever accidentally "make the mistake" of not doing that.

You ramble a lot and say nothing. You asked, they answered honestly. And you're hammering them to admit a wrongdoing that they've ALEADY admitted was a wrongdoing!