Time for a new thread For those of you that were vanilla for many years before entering the kink lifestyle what got you into kink? (or rephrase) what prevented you from it before?

easy answers: a woman that would and a woman that wouldnt

Alrighty then That would be an easy explanation. However I was going more for internal forces as opposed to external forces. Nut thatnks for playing! It's dead in here.

Opportunity. Or to rephrase that, finally getting rid of my bible-thumping ex. *grin* And this place was instrumental in discovering it, which is why I'm still around even though it is not what it was then. There seemed to be much more relevant info (and experienced posters) on at that time...although that perception may be due to my expanding horizons...meh

Bit of a long answer to this one. Expressed a desire for pain shortly before we were married, through a series of misunderstandings, felt that he rejected that and suppressed for the next 29 years. Getting into it, is a bit more. My marriage was stagnating to death. I knew I had to do something. (correcting the hormonal imbalance which had caused an absent libido helped!) I ran out of books by my favorite authors and tried a new author. There were (what I now see as mild) sex scenes in it, and I found myself rereading them, and then initiating sex with my husband. This was very helpful to the marriage, so I started seeking out books with more and more explicit scenes, graduating into erotica. I read one with mild BDSM in it, and it really spoke to me. When we went to a sex shop (a first for me) I expressed an interest in a flogger, and he immediately bought it without question, and we started exploring. Shortly thereafter, I discovered the fo, and the journey accelerated significantly, lol.

Interesting If you don't mind me asking can you tell me (in summation) what the misunderstading was that lead you to suppress for 29 years?

I was raised in an extremely repressed southern family, so the repression kind of came naturally. He was trying to say, not right then, and I misunderstood that he was rejecting it entirely, we got interrupted, and I just suppressed, and never brought it up again. It was such a simple misunderstanding, once I got past the idea that I needed to hide that. I was predisposed to believe he would reject it in the first place, and that led to a simple miscommunication becoming a 29 year mindset.

One of the most important things you can do is communicate. You should be discussing sex on a regular basis. Break down any embarrassment between you, so that you both feel comfortable that you can talk in an open manner about anything. So that even if the other isn't interested in that particular activity, you don't feel like either of you would be rejected for bringing it up.

The more shameless you can be, the more shameless she can be.

Ok, I am out Goodnight all.......

We talk a lot about how to improve communication It's really important to change that direction, the sooner the better. Email this to yourself, and take it in small bites. A starting thought: a testimonial to communications. But I'm embarrassed read this whole thread: Start here and read the whole sub thread below it:

The rest Other good posts: ways to word things.