coming out.. Hey all.. Im an out person.. Im out to everyone.. My work, my family, my friends.. I have been for 10+ years.. My partner of about 2 and a half years is not.. she is out to some of her friends and NONE of her family.. At this point in our relationship I hate to say it but I dont ever expect her to come out fully.. I am a strong believer that the more out and open you are the more accepting and confident it makes you.. not only to yourself but to others as well.. Im not the person to pressure her to come out but Its important to me that she does?.. my question to you is, If you were seeing someone and they were not out and dont plan on ever coming out any time within the next 5 years.. would you keep seeing them?

No I wouldn't keep seeing them not because there's anything wrong with someone not being out to their family (don't think I agree that being out makes a person more confident), but it would be one of those relationship deal breakers for me.

breakin deals Yeah I am normally the same way but we have been together for so long.. I cant imagine myself without her.. If I woulda known I probably wouldnt have continued either

Two and a half years isn't really that long so.. she's got plenty of time to come into her own. If she's the one for you, don't sweat it, let her be, as in really let go of it and let it be her issue to deal with. People get whacked out around their families, and it takes some people more time to work it out. i gotta go to the day job. good luck.

My 2 cents Let me start this off by saying that I agree that it's healthier to be out, but that's not the point here. She's never been out, isn't likely to come out, you've known about this for years, and NOW it's a deal breaker? What I'm reading is that you accepted her as she was, but suddenly that's not good enough. Are you just looking for an excuse to break up, or did you take her on as a project? (If I can fix *this* and *this* about her, she'd be perfect!)

Never said that Nope I never said Id fix anything about her.. when we first started seeing eachother.. yes I did know she was not out but, she also then, told me if she was in a serious enough relationship she would tell them.. Anyway, if you read what I said, you woulda seen that it said I cant see myself without her its just hard to bear.. Ive been out for over 10 years and to conform myself and step back is hard cuz Ive never NOT been myself..

Me personally, no I wouldn't even start dating someone who wasn't out. But you are, and I'm not dating your partner....who could be a wonderful woman It's a basic costs/benefits analysis Does the benefit you get by being with her outweigh the cost to you of her being in the closet.

are you her first and only relationship with a woman? I just don't see this working out. It sounds like you assumed she'd have a similar path to you and would come out as you did in short form. But people are different. She hasn't and it bothers you. You can't make her as sure of her sexuality and her willingness to "represent" as you are. And you never will. Knowing that, if it still bothers you, it always will, so move on. Next time, remember, you get the toasters from affairs, not relationships.

Toasters... what do you mean by toasters??

I used to work for someone... ...who was not out to everyone. She said she didn't want to deal with the homophobia. I told her if she wanted to start dealing with the homophobia, she needed to work on the woman in the mirror first. I think that people hide things because they think those things are wrong/bad and don't want to be found out. So if she's afraid to tell Grandma because it might kill her, it seems she's kinda saying, "I'm doing something upsetting that might kill Grandma if she found out." In reality, she's just loving another available adult.

damn you I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference Gonna make it right... As I, turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat This wind is blowin' my mind I see the in the street, with not enough to eat Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top And a one man's soul They follow each other on the wind ya' know 'Cause they got nowhere to go That's why I want you to know I'm starting with the man in the mirror I'm asking him to change his ways And no message could have been any clearer If you wanna make the world a better place (If you wanna make the world a better place) Take a look at yourself, and then make a change (Take a look at yourself, and then make a change) (Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

Gah! Make it stop!

i'm not out to everyone i stopped wearing the sign around my neck years ago. and maybe if you're blind you wouldn't know that i'm a gay. perhaps i should get a new sign made in brail.

Would you deny being gay if someone asked you?

if they had a gun or a bat and said, "are you a gay?" fucking right i would but if a cute girl asked i would totally fess up

You're my hero!

Yeah, I don't introduce myself... "Hi, my name is Vish. I'm gay." But I'm not sure I could deny it either. Excellent point about guns and bats.