Is it bad that i dont want to be a lesbian? I want to live by what i have been told is a normal life. I want to have a husband one day with more children. At least thats what i think. most likely this subject will seem dull. i apologize for a repeat issue. also i know im not typing a grammatiy correct post, sorry its not important to me. my question really is to the out women, who are living their lives the real way they want to, who are happy... Did you ever feel that way i feel today? I am confused, i say to myself, ' i must not be a lesbian, since i predominantly am in relationships with men.' but when i dream i dream of being with a woman. when i talk to women i am nervous and excited and thrilled. i secretly desire them, and being a stay at home mom, i find it hard to mix my life with the one i desire. and i am torn with what i secretly desire and the life i have been raised to live. so i have another question then; does that mean that i am a closet lesbian, or does that mean that i am a straight women who simply has different desires?

Only you would know, but it sounds like it is giving you enough pain that it ought to be taken seriously. We don't get to choose everything about ourselves I think. We get born with certain stuff: height and hair color and perhaps sexuality. It's up to you to decide what you need to do or want to do to be true to yourself. Therapy?

Some queer women found it a relief to realize who they really were early on. Others were confused and frightened first, and grew into acceptance and joy. Everyone's path to self-knowledge, and self-acceptance, is different. We can't tell you if you're queer; all we can do is assure you that there's nothing wrong with it, and advise you to seek some support and counseling to help you lose the shame while you're figuring your feelings out.

Honestly Being gay makes your life harder. You encounter prejudices and homophobia at every juncture, no matter where you go. Have there been days I wished I wasn't gay? no. But you aren't the only woman to wish you could have that normal life. the husband, the , etc... To wish you could have the life we (as women) are taught to want. think if it this way, how will you feel truely happy and fulfilled? You only have one shot at life, so do what feels right. There are no do-overs.

i totally agree with this. and i also see the opposing side... i am so used to 'being gay' it would be very hard to ever have a straight relationship (which i don't want anyway). i realized i was gay when i was 14, 14 years ago. i don't know what an actual adult mindset on processing this gay thing as 'new'. i never really thought about it negatively, i love being a lesbian... but now in my adulthood, having tons of gay friends, i'm sure that makes it 100 times easier.

thinking back on third grade and i had a crush on my best friend. boys are great friends. but women i go crazy for. i just always felt when i was younger that there was something wrong with me. now that i have a son, hes seven, i think god if i tell him now, he will be totally messed up as a person because he will feel like one day mommy liked boys and then the next she liked girls? my friends know im bi, my family im so distant from it doesnt really matter. i suppose its my son i am worried about. and i dont even know how to talk to a woman. i think since for such a long time i have been maybe in denial about my own sexuality that i cant tell if a woman is straight or not and i dont want to loose friends or insult a woman if she is straight.

your kid will deal if it is the right choice for you. If you go nuts and cheat on your husband with women and drag it into a convoluted mess it will be bad for him and ugly for you all. If you get some therapy and think things over and decide carefully what is your most authentic life and treat your family with respect, then even if it goes the way of divorce, your kid will probably be fine. Gay mom doesn't automatiy = bad parent or traumatized child.

in fact Gay mom is less likely than heterosexual parents to be a bad parent or traumatize their child. well, according to the stats and research in my college studies.... it may first seem strange, but they will end up more open minded and accepting of others, usually!

same here.

no problem! if you are shy, don't forget that searching for a woman on an online dating site that lives loy can work. keep us posted! i love coming out/self discovery stories.

i will keep you guys posted! no prob ive gotta get off the pc now, but i feel more confused yet comforted, less crazy, and strangely more confident in some way. have a good night ladies.

One sentence in your post really struck me. "What I have been told is a normal life." That sentence says a lot if you really think about it. The heterosexual society is who told you what normal is. My take is that "normal" is whatever I feel most comfortable and at ease with. For me, that's other women. I grew up thinking I would someday marry a man and have children, but I just never had a relationship with a man that worked on all levels. It was only after too many years of self-ignorance, denial and failed relationships that I realized that I was looking at the wrong gender for a life partner. Like you, I had relationships only with men which worked out okay until it came to issues of intimacy and desire, and it just wasn't there for me. A good therapist finally got me to the point I could give myself permission to realize what seemed so obvious to everyone else. I'm a much happier person now that I have accepted myself fully for who, and what, I am. It is NOT the life I was raised to live (to use your words), and yet it is exactly the life I should be living. To me, being gay is my normal. My definition of the picket fence family has changed as well. I still hope to find that special partner to share the rest of my life with, but it won't be a man. However, even if I never find her I am more content and fulfilled as a single lesbian than I ever was as a part of a hetero couple.

i find a comfort in the premonition that one day i will sound a lot like you. i've never had a gender preference, but i dont know how to meet women. when i meet a woman i like she is straight. I suppose i should look on the bright side and learn to accept that my life is starting.

it's very exciting to start life!!!!!!!!!